Be Kind To Yourself

Starting a business has been hard. People say that all the time, I understand that well now.

Like many of us, I also have other stuff going on in my life.

Family, work, sport, a member off the local SES (State Emergency Services) team. Then attempt to have a social life while building the foundation for a business.

By work, I have a few casual jobs at the moment, but I am also a celebrant. Such a special role to play on such an important day.

This sounds a lot like my ‘How many hats’ written piece. But this time I will highlight some of the hardships including personal life and loss impacting your professional life.

A month ago, my best mate passed away. He suffered a cardiac arrest, fell into a coma then we lost him a few days later. I’m not telling you this for sympathy, or maybe I am but not sympathy for me and his family. This should make sense soon.

I managed to make it up to see him, a 2.5hr drive north of me. I’m talking about my best man at my wedding as was I, for his wedding. So, I drove up to sit with him in a coma in hospital. It hurt.

Over the next few weeks, obviously I was in grief. But I still had work and a business to make successful. I found myself struggling more than ever to focus. I even missed a video call meeting.

I felt terrible. I was disappointed in myself. This led to negative thoughts and feelings.

But in a moment of clarity, I realised not only was I run down with business and work life, but I was suffering from loss. And I was allowed to feel loss. Grief. That these feelings were real and justified. And would impact and influence me. I had to determine how I was going to let it influence me. I actually said to
myself “I need to be kind to myself”.

This then became a motto for a few weeks. Reminding myself to be kind to yourself.

With confidence I believe I am not the only one who needs to hear this. As a counsellor I am experienced in telling others that feelings are justified, but as a father, husband, son or friend, I wasn’t used to using this logic on myself. It took a while of telling myself, but it helped. I was justified to feel grief and loss. Therefore, I was justified to be suffering because of it.

This isn’t about riding your grief out, will discuss grief on another occasion.

But when I said maybe this is about sympathy just not for me; maybe you can use this. If you have found yourself in a time where you are being too critical of yourself, consider all the variables, what’s going on in your life and how it could be impacting your feelings. Then remember, be kind to yourself.