The Real Influence

By Chris Johnson

This read may upset or frustrate some people.

I will be sharing some honest experiences and personal thoughts from my youth and family. This is not being shared for the purpose of annoying anyone; however, I am aware that some people take the label of ‘influencer’ in a whole new direction these days.

I have already spoken about and discussed our support networks and how they affect our motivation, confidence and success. But now, I want to go a little deeper into one side of this—both the positives and the negatives.

When my father passed away six years ago, I took my role as the oldest quite seriously. I made sure to check on everyone. Playing the counsellor, even before I was a qualified one, was always me.

I hope this does not upset my brother when I share it, and I am definitely keeping names out of it. One brother went quiet. It was not unexpected or even a strange symptom of grief, but I wanted to help everyone open up and process our new, unfortunate reality.

After I asked him a few times about how he was feeling and grieving, he exploded at me.

He told me that I had always told him to “shut up”, so he ‘knew’ he had to be quiet.

This was where I had my first epiphany: I did. I used to say to him, “Just shut up.”

He would tell me about the latest video game he was playing or the manga he was reading. I actually enjoy both of those as well. However, his storytelling could go on for hours. Eventually, I would tell him to stop. There are seven years between us. He was still young, while I was a young adult. I did not think I was cooler than him or that I did not want to hear about it. I loved his passion, but I just could not listen to it for so long.

And here was actual influence. A real influencer. Hopefully, I had positively influenced him before this, but this influence was bad. I had forced my brother to be quiet, especially about the things that really mattered.

That led to my next realisation: what unintentional influences had my family instilled in me?

I, too, had learned to be quiet while growing up in my house.

But it was not because of oversharing or storytelling. I was the oldest. I was spoken over almost every single day.

I learned to be quiet. I had my own thoughts; I just kept them to myself.

There were many times when I got in trouble for something someone else had done. I tried explaining at first. But again, my voice was not heard, so I learned to keep it to myself.

It is not the greatest quality to possess.

I am not writing this to complain—let’s be honest, it is more likely to start a family fight. However, what I am hoping people might learn and realise is that not only did the way people treat you while you were growing up heavily influence the person you are today… but you also have the power to influence those younger than you.

Your legacy is, in part, going to be the influence you have on the next generation.